Spurred to Motion

It's time to move forward and as is so often the case in life something slightly unpleasant has come up that has the potential to set my life in the direction it needs to go. It is, simply, that my student loans come out of forbearance at the end of the month and I am not any closer to being able to afford that ridiculous payment this year than I was last year, a year removed from the health crisis and major surgery that caused me to put them into forbearance in the first place.

If I am honest with myself, one of my dreams is to spend my life roaming the halls of Academia. Going back to school isn't just an easy out when it comes to a hefty student loan payment, it's the nudge I need to push myself in the direction that I truly want to go. My Bliss is that way and that's something I've know for a long time now. I want to get my Master's. I'd love to go on get my Ph.D. I have things to contribute. I have ideas that need to be out there in the world in ways that I don't know if anyone else can relay them. There is still plenty that I need to learn to be able to articulate these ideas to their fullest potential. Moving forward to Grad School is not a scapegoat. It is the next logical step. My loans coming out of forbearance was just the nudge I needed to start looking into practical possibilities.

I found one almost immediately when I really started to look. You know that intuitive feeling when you stumble across something and you know that it's "right," that's what I felt when I found this program. I know that I can't put all my eggs in one basket and that just because I apply to a program doesn't mean I'll be accepted, but I know that applying to the program I found is the step I need to take to move forward into my future. It's an online program offered by a big institution in the northern part of the state. I am even entertaining spending a quarter or two on campus if some of the classes I absolutely must have, in my own mind, aren't offered online. It's two and a half hours away, so too far to commute, but maybe my spouse would be willing to let me go for a couple of months and drive up and see me on weekends.

I am not going to fool myself into thinking that everything is going to fall into place now without any work on my part, or that just because this feels right it is absolutely what is going to happen, but it's definitely opened my eyes to the direction I need to go and where I need to be looking. I can feel where my heart is calling me. It's up to me to pull myself to the challenge and follow where it leads.