A lot accomplished this week. Preparing for the yard sale. Working on my new contract. Almost caught up with the laundry! Two loads and some rags left and it's all done! Never again. I've been keeping up with the kitchen all right but t need some work right now. All the floors need done. I might do some of that tomorrow after the sale. I'll run the sweeper in here today if it turns out my brother is coming over. I really need to get back to posting content here that is t the occasional housekeeping update. How boring. 

Tara

Counters cleaned and organized. Washed the kettle. 

Quack Quack

Lining my ducks up all in a row. Where they will lead me, I just don't know. Look at them line up, feather butts wagging. Not a single one forgotten, left out, or lagging. Decisions must be made and guns must be stuck to. Stay in the egg and the mongoose will get you. 

Misplaced Elipses

I've always been the kind of person who doesn't get overly attached to people. I guess, I was just always looking for that one person to really attach to, above all others, and everyone else was always going to be, to some degree, expendable. So, I found someone to attach myself to and I did, wholly and thoroughly. I patted myself on the back. Well done, you. 

The Buddha teaches about impermanence and the joy and value in loving without attachment. I like to think I'm a soul evolving. I like to think I'm moving toward getting it right somehow. But then... the one person in life who I decide to attach to, just isn't as attached to me. They live for the moment and at this moment they honestly can't tell me that the the next moment won't lead them away and I feel... crushed. I am betrayed by the very evolution I am striving to embrace? I understand how and why love without attachment and loving someone for who they are unconditionally and why those are good things but... damnit... this wasn't supposed to be that and I am angry and bitter and just utterly fucking broken by whatever it's trying to become because I resent being forced to evolve to fit the demands of this situation when I chose this situation to give me something permenant in the first place. It's not fair and no, I don't know what my basis for comparison is, Goblin King. Leave me alone. 

New stationary bike is together. Put in three miles on it and it felt nice. It's the perfect size and putting it together was a lot of fun. I enjoy that kind of thing. I've been watching Sims Let's Plays in the background all morning. I might put some time in on that this evening but I have to get some things done first. I am trying to get my shit together... I can not exist in limbo any longer. 

Bike should come today. Hoping that will help boost motivation. Want to be healthy in order to move forward. To lure myself out from whatever shadow it is I'm hiding in. 

Today's Intention

Today's intention is living with purpose. Today's goal is to get the living room to a better place. I think to live with purpose is more a long term goal, really. I looked over and there was 1:11 left in the session I was listening to on buddify while writing this then I looked over again while texting a friend about it and there were 11 seconds. Once the numbers get hold of you, they don't let go. I really need to write more on that. Some people call them Angel Numbers. I know they're just another way the universe reaches out to tell us things. Apparently, living with purpose is something it's important for me to think about. I am not at all surprised.